“You did not see anything”

Guido (Courtesy: Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

(Courtesy: Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

This is a time and space for someone more clever than me.

Someone who could wax rhapsodic about the two-week investigation into the disappearance of  Guido, what a lucky headline writer at the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel called “The Missing Link.” If you’ve been over a rock the last 24 hours you are aware about how the Italian Sausage, one of the five sausages that race during Milwaukee Brewers games at Miller Park, had been stolen from the city’s Winter Festival on Feb. 17.

From there, the 7-foot-long weenie had been spotted at two separate Cedarburg drinking establishments that same night although photographic evidence or Tweets cannot be found, leading this intrepid reporter to cry foul as there’s no way the Italian Sausage comes into a bar at midnight and no one snaps a couple pictures. That seems inconceivable to me.

Well, last night after the story had gone viral, even leading to an email from a friend teaching at a university in Germany, Guido re-appeared at one of the two bars he’d earlier visited in Cedarburg.

Sometimes, this stuff writes itself. Here’s the section from the Milwaukee paper:

“Two men – one wearing a hoodie pulled tight over his face – lugged the larger-than-life link into the bar just before 8 p.m. Wednesday, plopped him on a bar stool and warned staff, “You did not see anything,” said bartender Jen Mohney.

“Like I didn’t just see two guys plop a sausage on a bar stool,” Mohney said.

Mohney said the two left in less than a minute and she immediately called police.”

There are too many things that come to mind. Like this:

Or this, my kids’ favorite (Go to the 1:16 mark):

Like I wrote earlier, this demands someone with far more skill than me. Maybe Colonel Mustard with a hoagie or Randall Simon with a bat can help.

You and my fellow fantasy baseball owners can remember Simon and how Guido’s had a rough history, even though he won more races last year than the Chorizo, the Hot Dog, the Polish or the Bratwurst. Simon was on the bench for the Pirates back in 2003 when this wonderful incident with Guido made national news too.