The Daily Spam Report 2/4: FedEx has $500,000 to send me

fedezxMaybe I’m dating myself here, but I vividly remember coming home from middle school on Thursdays to see if my cassette tape of the month had arrived from Columbia House. I’d signed up to receive 12 tapes for one penny. One penny.

I thought it was a great deal until I realized I was on the hook for a bunch more and I was a kid whose parents required me to spend my allowance money on that, “to fulfill my contract,” as my father said. He was a lawyer who specialized in contracts, taught it in fact at a Chicago-area law school, so the chance to prove the point about reading the fine print in every document I sign has been tattooed on my brain since that moment.

Anyhow, the allure of receiving mail remains pretty cool. It’s great to get email, phone calls, but there’s something quaint about having someone send you something. The anticipation of opening it and wondering what’s inside. I see it in my own kids today. They love seeing their names on the envelope, ripping open a package or envelope with glee.

That’s what I thought of when I received today’s viewer-submitted Spam Report from Tim Morrissey. In the note below, you’ll see he was contacted by a “Frank Mario,” who allegedly works for FedEx in South Africa. The note does not say how the courier service came to possess $500,000 that needs to be sent to Mr. Morrissey, only that he pay the “stamp duty fee” of $185 to receive it.

That $185 apparently absolutely and positively needs to be there overnight or else he runs the risk of a “demur-rage,” which means, well, we’re not sure what it means and we don’t think the sender does either: “As you know your parcel is not just an ordinary parcel but with a vital document and we think you understand what we mean by accumulating a demur-rage.

“You might be asking yourself how come this parcel,” the email states. “Anyway this parcel was brought to our office to be delivered to you by lottery officials.”

He’s also asked for personal information in addition to the $185 to get his half million. Instead, he sent it to me for my “collection.”

Sadly, this collection has as much value these days as those cassette tapes I got from Columbia House. Regular readers know we don’t give personal information to those we don’t know. We don’t expect or anticipate to have won $500,000 in South African or any other foreign lotteries.

And finally, we know we should just send copies to at the Spam Report and then, just hit delete.

Thanks Mr. Morrissey for sending this over.

Have a great day.


———- Forwarded message ———-
From: FedEx Delivery Service <>
Date: Sun, Jan 26, 2014 at 10:14 AM

We the management of  FedEx Courier Service here in South Africa hereby uses This medium to notify you that your parcel is still in our possession, this parcel contained an International Cashier Bank Draft/Cheque worth the sum of $500,000.00USD (Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only) and it is ready for delivery to your door step. Meanwhile, before the delivery or shipment will take place, you are advice to RECONFIRM to us the following data mention below:

1.Your Name:……..
2.Full Address:…………..

The above requested information will enable us deliver your parcel correctly without any mistakes on delivery of your parcel.

NOTE: No charges should be made before delivery except the stamp duty fee which is just $185usd. Delivery would be made to your door step as soon as we receive your
payment, no problem about the delivery fee because the company has paid for the delivery fee.

Furthermore, you might be asking yourself how come this parcel, Anyway this parcel was brought to our office to be delivered to you by lottery officials.

Note: This fee is not for delivery but for the stamp duty, this company has spent out of its income in the process by recovery back your parcel? so dear customer we once again appreciate your patronage in our favor. Without hesitations you are to pay for just the balance left of $185 by your sender before it accumulate a demur-
rage after one week only,as you know your parcel is not just an ordinary parcel but with a vital document and we think you understand what we mean by accumulating a demur-rage.

Yours Faithfully
Mr. Frank Mario
+277 993 960 55