The Daily Spam Report 1/31: Kangaroo Court

kangarooMy dad is always fond of saying, “You’re a lot happier in life if you associate with people who speak in commas and question marks rather than periods and exclamation points.”

After twenty years in this business, I finally took his advice and stopped covering politics which is all about exclamation points these days unfortunately.

Anyhow, I want to introduce you to “Mrs. Kim Kurrel,” who sent me an email about her estate with three exclamation points in the subject header. My initial reaction was that it must be really serious to get that many exclamation points and upon further review, I was right.

“Mrs. Kurrel,” whose name I’m putting in quote marks because I’m not quite sure I believe that it’s her, is apparently dying from cancer that she’s battled for the last nine years, shortly after her husband died in Australia. By the way, I’d been longing to get spammed from that continent as most have purported to be from Europe, Asia and Africa, so I’m pretty psyched about that, but I digress.

Ok, so she’s dying from cancer and has a lot of money that her deceased husband left her. She’s gone through “my profile” and decided I am worthy of helping her, even though she starts her note with “Dear Sir/Madam.” Not very personal.

Anyhow, she has changed her will to give me $5.5 million “for the good work of the lord, and to help the motherless and less privilege and for the assistance of the widows.” I’m not supposed to tell anyone by the way and I can’t talk to her about it by phone since her relatives are always around her and they want the money for “ungodly” purposes.

I sent her a note back that read, “Peace be with you.” I’ll be curious what comes back, but I’m guessing it will have more exclamation points in it.

This has more red flags associated with it than Miami Beach during hurricane season.

Have a great weekend and just hit delete… unless you have an email you want to warn your neighbors about. Those you can send to me and then, just hit delete.

Take care,


—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Kurrel (Mrs) []
Sent: Thursday, January 30, 2014 12:53 PM
Subject: My Estate!!!

Dear Sir/Madam,

Peace of the lord be with you.

After going through your profile, i decided to contact you for assistance and distribution of my inheritance.

My name is Kim Kurrel ,a dying woman who have decided to donate what i have to you/ church. I am 48 years old and i was diagnosed for cancer for about 9 years ago, immediately after the death of my husband who lived all his life in Australia, who has left me everything he worked for.

I have been touched by God to donate from what i have inherited from my late husband for the good work of God, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband hard-earned funds ungodly. Please pray that the good Lord forgive me my sins.

I will be going in for an operation couple of hours from now, and  I have decided to WILL/donate the sum of $5,500,000 to you for the good work of the lord, and to help the motherless and less privilege and for the assistance of the widows.

Now i cannot take any telephone calls right now because my relatives are around me. I have adjusted my WILL and my lawyer is aware i have changed my will you and he will arrange the transfer of the funds from my account to you.

Contact my lawyer with this specified email contact:


Name: Barrister Bernard de Vries

Inform him that i have WILLED ($5,500,000.00) to you and i have notified him that i am WILLING that amount to you for a specific and good work. I know i do not know you but i have been directed to do this by my instinct.

NB: I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task is accomplished, as I do not want anything that will jeopardize my last wish. In addition, I will be contacting with you by email, as I do not want my relation or anybody to know because they are always around me.


Kim Kurrel (Mrs.)

My Lawyer Contact Email Address: