The Daily Spam Report 12/11: “CAN YOU BE OF HELP?”

Adoption requestThose of you who have been with me since the beginning of The Spam Report nearly two months ago know I give points to senders for creativity. It’s still an effort to take my money and/or personal information from me, so those points are limited, but at least it shows they’re trying.

I mean, is there anything more depressing than a scammer who thinks they can get your money by simply sending you an email that states, “I Mrs Elizabeth Etters,I picked you.For details contact me via email.” That’s one I got last week and it’s just flat out lazy.

Creativity though can go too far. Sometimes the stories get so elaborate, they’re hard to follow. Case in point, the story shared in the email below.

Our sender is purportedly an 18-year-old from South Africa whose mother died five years ago while her father was murdered two months ago by his step-brothers. Then, she writes that her “father was the only son of his mother and his father married two wifes while the other woman has eight children.”

By now, my head is swimming. I’m in television so I need simple, monosyllabic words to understand what’s going on.

Only because I’m dedicated to the craft did I stop scratching my head and continue reading to learn she’s living in a church shelter and wants me to be her guardian so I can “take good care of (her) until (she) grows up to be a woman,” at which point she’ll share 20% of the 5.5 million British pounds that her father put in a London bank before he “gave up the ghost.”

I appreciate her faith in me as a potential father figure, but I have three kids already and forgive my hesitancy, but I think her story is bogus.

Just hit delete.

Have a great day.

From: Dora Adams []
Sent: Monday, December 09, 2013 6:16 AM
Subject: CAN YOU BE OF HELP?? pls respond urgent

Compliments, I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise as we have never met before but based on what I am going through now, I feel quite safe to deal with you in this regard though this medium (Internet) has been greatly abused, however, I choose to reach you through this source as it still remains the fastest medium of Communication.
My name is Adams Dora from South Africa. I am 18 years old and the only child of my parent. My mother died five years ago while my father was murdered two  months ago by his step brothers who were my uncles due to disputes on family assets and properties. My father was the only son of his mother and his father married two wifes while the other woman has eight children.
My father was the first born of the family and has a lot of responsibilities over the family assets and properties but the step brothers, my uncles are not happy about that and they poisoned him to dead in other to take over the family assets/properties alone. I had to run for my life because I know they would definitely want to kill me out of greed just the way they killed my father.
Presently, I am in a church for shelter as I have no one to run to. Before my father gave up the ghost, he intimated me over a fixed deposit of ?5.5 Million British Pounds Sterling fixed with his bank in London. Please, I need your assistance to get this money transferred to any of your provided bank account in your country for my education and up-bringing as the money is too much for me to handle or manage for now as I am only 18.
I want you to be my guardian so that you can personally arrange for my trip to your country once the transfer is made to your provided bank account. I strongly believe you will be of immense assistance to accomodate this transaction but please you don’t have to take undue advantage of my age to betray the trust I bestow on you. Remember the version of the bible that says, what shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and loses his soul.
I want you to accept me like your own child and take good care of me until I grow up to be a woman. I am willing to offer you 20% of the fund for your role/assistance while the remaining 80% you will invest in your country and manage on my behalf until I am old enough to manager the investment. I would have love to speak with you on phone but I have no access to telephone for now and my only means of communication is through the internet.
May God touch your heart and use you to bring back happiness and joy to my life. I shall give you more details on the way forward as soon as I hear from you. Thank you for your time and may God bless you.